1st Day of School

Zale has been home since the day he was born (more or less). I had all to myself the first three months of his precious little life then I went back to work part time for the next three months so by the time he was six months he was all mine once again. I have watched him grow into a little boy and I can't believe he started school yesterday.

From the second I held him in my arms and looked at that sweet little face I think I must have silently vowed to never leave his side. That I would never let him fall, fix whatever needed fixing, feed him every meal & snack, I would kiss every single boo-boo, wipe away his tears, read him any book he wanted, play whatever he wanted to play, do whatever I needed to do to get him to smile, tuck him in every night & see him every morning. What I quickly found out was that I wasn't the only person who could do that. His first time away from home he was still an infant and he was fine and I couldn't believe it! The person(s) I left him with did everything that I vowed that I would do and it didn't seem to phase him much that it wasn't me. It hurt a little that someone other than myself did just fine.

As the months went by I watched him when he first started to crawl and when he took his first steps all on his own. It was amazing and I was happy to be there and realized that this was just the beginning of him taking baby steps away from me. It hurt my heart to know that my baby was now a toddler. Years went by and that toddler turned into a big brother not once but twice and now all of a sudden he's a pre-schooler. WHAT?!?!? How could that possibly be that time went by so fast and it went by so easily?

I have loved him since the day I saw the positive sign on the pregnancy test. To just let him out of the car and into his teacher's care so quickly just seems so wrong to me. I had to do it though I have to let him go. He's not my little baby boy anymore and he will only grow bigger, stronger, & smarter with each passing day. I hope with time that it will get easier to let him go into the world. My head understands that he needs to live the life that is meant for him, the one that God has in store. My heart though, my heart is just screaming out to him to stay, to pout or cry about having to leave, something anything to let me know he feels the same way. He doesn't though he jumps out of his seat gives me a kiss and says,"Good bye mommy see you later!" he turns and jumps out closes the door and he never looks back.

One thought goes through my head while driving through the carpool lane:"He is leaving me now but he will always come back to me. I am his mommy and I always will be and no one can take that away." Chase and Dean are waving good bye to their big brother and I'm already dreading the day that they start school too. I push that thought out of my head and start to sing a song with my little fellas while we drive to the store with a feeling of total and complete gratitude, and love for all the Lord has blessed me with in my life.

Whatever is best for you

So, I just read a bunch of responses from moms from both sides of an issue from an article a magazine did called: 10 Things To Know About......bottle feeding. It was so maddening to me and I don't understand why some mom's who nurse are so nasty towards those of us who don't/didn't.
I chose not to breastfeed any of the boys b/c I just didn't care for it for me. Henry supported the decision I had made and didn't give me anything crap about it. I did all the research on the pros & cons of both and in the end I chose to the bottle w/ formula. I had one moment when Zale was only a few days old and we weren't prepared w/ a bottle to give him that I felt like if I had chose to nurse he wouldn't be screaming his little head off b/c he's hungry. As soon as he got that bottle it was over and I was fine. Other than that one moment I have never felt like I made a bad choice.
To suggest that I am a bad mom or lazy is insulting and not true! I work hard everyday and have since the day all of my boys were born. I also read another mom say that I am passing up my parental job by giving the baby to someone to feed him. I never "gave up" my "job" to someone to feed I only did it when someone asked to feed them. I have fed all of my boys the most from the day they were born. I don't expect anyone to do it for me I had them and I know I'm the one responsible to feed them and so forth. To say that I'm going to make my boys fat b/c I didn't nurse is absurd to me, that they will be the most sickly children and somehow not as smart b/c I didn't nurse all drive me insane!! I betcha $10 bucks that their nursed baby wasn't using a fork and spoon to eat with exclusively at 10 months like Zale did, and that he hasn't been to the Dr's as much as their child has for being sick. It's just the way he was made: superb fine motor skills, and an excellent immune system. It had nothing to do with breast or bottle. Now don't get me wrong I know all the benefits of breast feeding and I'm not saying they aren't true but it also just depends on the particular baby/child and how they are genetically from the very moment of conception.
If a mom wants to nurse that's fantastic, if they want to do both breast milk and formula that's fantastic, if they want to use formula that's fantastic!!! Whatever you chose is what's best. The straight up nursing moms gave an o.k. for the moms who have medical reasons for not nursing but for those of us who just chose not to breast feed b/c we didn't want too. Well, we should have everyone chastise us and tell us we are horrible moms and we should our baby's health in front of own. I would die before anyone or anything harmed my boys I made the best decision for them and they are happy, healthy and thriving. The only one that gets sick the most is Chase and it's just b/c he has a different immune system than the other two it's just has how was made and I have no doubt that even if I did nurse him he would be exactly the same way. I know that when you nurse you never have to worry about if the breast will fit in the baby's mouth correctly and you don't need to worry about if the milk is the wrong kind for the baby and that for the most part it's pretty convenient. We had our had our fair share of bottle & formula problems with Chase and Dean but we figured it all out quickly and no one ever lost any weight or suffered b/c of not figuring it out soon enough. Yeah , we ended up having (at the end) buying 4 different kinds of bottles even though we only had 3 boys but it was o.k. b/c we knew what we had to do to keep them fed and healthy. We had to get the right kind of formula for each of them but again it was something we needed to do to make our little guy happy & fed. However after saying that I would never say I made the wrong choice for my boys. I stand by the choice and tell people all the time when they ask and I don't apologize either.
Why can't we as mom's and women even just support each other. Is it really that hard for us to do? We are seriously our own worst enemies! We will probably be this way for the rest of our lives. Even in the nursing homes we will find something wrong with what the other is doing. Why can't we just be happy for each other and our families and how we are doing as moms & dads? I wish I knew the answer. I just want to be a women who can go against the flow. I want to be a woman and mom who can empathize w/ other mom whether they are new moms or veterans I want to be there for them for whatever they need. If I can physically be there to help or emotionally or giving advice when asked, I want to be a supportive fellow woman/mom. My wish is that every woman/mom would strive to be that way. Just be there with no judgment, no accusations, no saying that my way is better, or you are doing it all wrong. We all have our hardships with being a mom and we all need help, love and encouragement from others.

Blessed

I have just recently started going back to church. I'm so glad that on the very first church we tried we both love it. I have amazing friends from high school and they were the ones to tell me about this church and thought that we would enjoy it and that we should try one Sunday.
Well, I finally told Henry one Saturday night we are going to church tomorrow so we need to get to bed b/c I'm tired of using the excuse that I'm tired and therefore can't go to church. So, we got up and got the troops ready and off we went. It was pretty crazy in there like really crazy and I had a moments hesitation b/c I was under the impression it was a smaller church but I spotted some friends of ours and we forged ahead. We got the boys checked in and dropped off in the right rooms and off we went to the service.
There we were with so many of my friends and it was just like my soul had awakened. It was fantastic the music was great and the pastor was amazing and he spoke on a subject that Henry and I both needed to hear. Well, we went again the next week and it was a lot less chaotic in dropping off the kids at their rooms. However Dean screamed this time when he realized what was happening but the people there are amazing and said not to worry he would be fine. So, we dropped off Chase and Zale both eager to go play make new friends and play with familiar ones (they each have a buddy that they know in the same room which is also a blessing) and learn about Jesus through fun stories and crafts. Again great service and something that I so needed to hear and I'm just so pleased that Henry is happy here too. This past Sunday went just as the week before in dropping off the kids (I'm hoping Dean will get used to it soon!) they did say they were able to put him down on his own so we are going in the right direction. He's so happy to see us when we come get him that he starts to cry. There was a guest pastor/speaker and he too was great and fun to listen to and had such a super message.
I'm not really sure as to what this post is about other than I just have felt so much happier and more content since we have been going to church. My soul and spirit are being "fed" in sense and feeling satisfied in the spirit is a wonderful feeling. I want to open my heart even more and explore what the Lord wants for me in my life and that is my next step. I'm going to ask that very question and listen to what He says and I will do my very best to get my life going in the direction the Lord wants me to go.
I have come to realize that I'm truly blessed. There are so many in the world who have less than I do and yet they still find happiness and joy in their lives. I should be grateful every day for all that I have and not to focus on all the things I don't have b/c all this "stuff" could be gone in an instant. What is left is our family and friends who have been there all along but for whatever reason we have taken them for granted. "Thank you!" to all of you who have been there for me through the years. I'm sorry if I have ever taken you for granted or if I have ever hurt any one's feelings by my actions or words you have my deepest apologies. I hope that I have been there in a way a friend should be there for all of you if you have ever needed me. I want to be a woman who is happy, loved, caring, strong, selfless, beautiful (on the inside), a good wife and mother, and above all else a servant of the Lord. I'm not there yet but I'm on my way and I'm just so blessed to be on that path.
"Count your blessings name them one by one. Count your blessing see what God has done."

It was a very bad day

So, yesterday had to be the worst day I've had in a very long time. If Chase isn't in the terrible two's I don't want to know what they are!
Let's back track for a sec. We decided to take the front off his bed b/c he was getting up into Zale's loft bed every second of the day to which Zale would (and still does) freak out. So, when we moved him back over with Dean we went ahead and took the front off hoping he would do well. He did stop getting up on Zale's bed for a while but the past two weeks has started back up not to mention all the ruckus he started causing in the mornings. He comes out front and yell and sing, go back into his room where Dean was sleeping and wake him up, come into our room and slam the door when arriving and leaving, poking us with toys climbing up on the bed. He would do all of this most of the time around 7 but soemtimes before. He wouldn't be out front for too long before one of us was out there with him 15-20 at the most and in that amount of time something would be trashed. It's not like he didn't have things to do out here we had the t.v. timer set to come onto cartoons and we have toys.
O.K. so Tuesday w/ in 15 minutes he had cleaned out the drawer in the desk that has the pens and some scrap booking markers, rubber bands, calculators, that sort of stuff. Henry comes out here to find it was all out of the drawer and he decided to color with a sharpie......on his legs. Now I don't think I have to tell you that Sharpie pens are famous for staying on certain surfaces and I think skin must be it's favorite b/c it's now Friday and guess what the "drawings" are still there. I tried in vein and have been to get it off but it won't so it's just kinda fading away. I did take a picture but not the day it happened I was to mad. Then Wednesday again w/ in a few minutes he got everything out under the kitchen sink and was messing with all of it. Now, luckily we don't have too much under there most cleaning items are up in a cabinet in the garage (which the door to the garage has a regular lock, and we put up a chain lock way at the top) and the two that are under the sink are organic and locked but still. Henry came back to the room and said I don't care how upset he is the front is going back on his bed and told me what had happend.
The rest of the day went down hill from there. He was constantly up on Zale's bed and would take everything out and throw it all over and play with things that are "special" to Zale. It drove me nuts b/c each time Zale would freak out and scream and beg and plead all while crying to get of his bed. So, I would go in there once it started getting loud and get him off and we would again straighten up his bed again. This happened over and over and over again. Finally he stopped only to find soemthing else to get into. Zale came out with some of his shirts from the closet still on the hangers and said,"Mom, Chase took these out!" Now Chase isn't that tall and I was curios how he got up that high to do that. I walk in and Dean is standing there watching him & laughing just having a good old time, how ever once he saw me he kinda backed away (so young and already knows "the face"). There was Chase perched on top of the plastic stackable drawers pulling things down and throwing them where ever he wanted. He wasn't concerend by the fact that I was standing there as a matter of fact he looked rather pleased with himself and the job he was doing and even told me hi. I wasn't too happy and told him so many words (I did have the camera though b/c I was pretty sure this is what he did and I wanted to get a pic.) I'm sure that didn't make sense to him and confused him a little, but I know I got the point across not to do it again. A little while later I was going through some papperwork and Dean is running back and forth from the hallway to the kitchen. His little fat feet making that little slap sound on the floor and he had a little. I decided I needed to see what was up with that so I got him at the end of the hallway which is also where his room is and of course the door is locked b/c Chase is in there doing who knows what. I look down and his cheeks are full. I'm sure you are wondering full of what and I'll tell you......dog food. His mouth was full of dog food like chunky cheeks full. I stuck my finger in there nad did a sweep and could not believe all the food that came out and the smell was not fantastic I can tell you now and I did gag. I'm walking back to the kitchen to throw it away and he's right behind me I turn around to look at him after throwing away the food and there he is getting more!!! We feed him protein I don't understand this kid at all! He gets in the dog food all the time, and actually stopped for a long time but has recently developed a taste for it again I guess. Not to mention the fact that he treats the water bowl like it's a water park!
I get done cleaning all that up and go to check on Chase in his locked room. For all the things he gets into and the fact he knows how to lock the door he still hasn't figured out how to un lock the door. We have a key right there to be able to get in just for this reason. I go in and he has pulled every toy out thrown everything off his bed and is playing with one toy like this is how it always is and it's all good. We clean it up and I get him out and interested into another activity, a movie it's almost time for a nap and this usually calms him down. Well it worked and he fell asleep in front of the t.v. for like 10 minutes. I moved him to his bed and put Dean down and a few minutes later heres Chase. I tried three times to get him to lay down and take a nap but when you have two sharing a room and one is being a butt head you really don't want the butt head to wake up the sweet sleeping child in the same room. I had no choice to let him stay up b/c he deemed it o.k. that he take a 10 minute nap.
After nap time which the only one that took it was Dean who by the way is currently our favorite child. Not only does he not talk back yet or tattle tale all the time he does what we ask him to and he's so stinking funny and according to Henry he's the only one that got the dimple so to him that's his saving grace. They all decided to go nuts after nap esp. Chase who by at this point is running on fumes and cranky b/c he didn't take a nap. I was dis connected from this point I was emotionally and physically drained from the day and it wasn't even over yet! I was and still am in desperate need of a break. When Henry got home he made dinner got the table set fed them cleaned up ran the dish washer then played with them got Chase's crib put back together and did the whole bed time routine with them. All while I did NOTHING!!! Although I did change Dean's diaper before bed but that was it.
It was such a rough day and I understand it's my life and it's sorta something I did to myself but c'mon everyone needs a break once in a while! I have been with them non stop for about two weeks now & I'm pretty much at my breaking point at this moment in time. I hear that it's the "terrible twos" and the "tumultuous threes" I'm seriously praying that it's not true b/c I don't know if I can handle Chase going through the three phase and Dean going through the two pahse next year at the same time. We never experienced any of this with Zale however he is the tattle tell kid now and getting super whiny which is just as aggravating.

It's always different

So, everyone always asks me questions about the pregnancies, labor & deliveries. Since I've done it three times and have a pretty good memory of all of them I tell the girls what they want to know. Let me just state that this is what happened to me and it doesn't mean it will happen to everyone else b/c it's always different. People experience pain in different ways for example: My labor pains felt like the most painful cramps ever, my cousin though said hers felt like pinching. See different. I would also like to state that I have noticed a big physical difference (at least in my situation) between male & female Dr.'s: hands. As in the size/length b/c when they do an internal exam (or as I like to call them "Drop your pants exam") women tend to need to push their hand up there (b/c hands are shorter) to be able to feel your cervix and when you are so close to being due that is a lot of pressure and not too comfy, men check you and your like, "Really that's it, but it didn't even hurt." Silly I know but I did notice the difference again I told the male Dr. I had at the last appointment before having Zale and he & Henry both laughed b/c they never really thought about it and no other patient had said anything like that to him before. I think I made a great patient (that's my opinion obviously)!
O.K. here we go!

Zale Aidan

Pregnancy - First three months had some nauseousness and that was it for "morning sickness", after that I had some heartburn after some things I at but not everything. Towards the end sleeping was hard and I had a few leg cramps. Other than that I was fine nothing to complain about at all. They had originally put my due date as April 10th, 2005 moved it up to the 3rd then back again to the 10th. So, the last month you go every week and I had nothing going on down there at all. I told my Dr. the last appointment before I went into labor I was Ft. Knox he laughed b/c he had never heard any soon to be mommy call herself that before. That was Wednesday and he said if I didn't do into labor by Monday I was going to have to come n for a stress test, and then go into the hospital at midnight to have a cervix softener put in place and then go from there. Well, I have always accredited the Dr. for putting me into labor b/c I went into labor on Friday night.

Labor - I went into labor @ Target (no surprise for those who really know me since I LOVE that store). Anyway, I was walking I mean waddling around with Henry in front of me and I told him that he felt like he was stretching and then pushing down. He noticed when I got home that when I was on the phone with my mom I told her he was doing the same thing, and then again later I complained about it. He had paid attention to the time and said it had been twenty minutes since I last complained about the stretching and pushing and said he thought I was in labor. I told him no way b/c just the week before I asked my SIL what contractions felt like and she said it hurt all over.(see always different!) He told me to look in one of my many pregnancy books and see. Well, he was right as much as I hate to admit it it's true: Henry knew I was in labor & I had no clue! Friday night at 9 I went into labor and the contractions were 15-20 minutes apart, it was difficult for me to sleep b/c of the pain but I did get in maybe an hour and a half in the very early hours of Saturday around 5 I think. Saturday we kinda went about as usual but I was getting stir crazy so we went to get something to eat (light dinner I was in labor after all) then walked around in the mall for a little bit. We came back home and things started to pick up a little contractions went to about 15 minutes apart. We put in the first season of Friends (my all time fave show) and we pulled out the stop watch to be more accurate. Around 9:30-10 p.m. I was pretty hungry and had a light snack of an apple, peanut butter & some raisins this was to be my last meal for a while. Things started heating up and as soon as I felt my uterus go tight I was up in a flash walking around huffing & puffing (all Lamaze out the window!). I learned very quickly that you breathe however you need (there was no time for a "cleansing breath"), and you move and get into whatever position you need to to get through the contraction. My (it's a bit graphic here) mucus plug was slowly coming out and my body was cleaning out my system which was exactly what it was supposed to do while in labor. I was so tired and I was having to yell at Henry who would doze b/ween contractions that another was coming so he could time it and that was not making me happy. Around 4:30 I felt like I was done I couldn't do it anymore and I had another contraction I was walking around in a circle through the kitchen and into the family room with Henry right behind me & our dog Maximus right behind him. Henry could tell I w just about over it and asked what I wanted to which I replied, "I want you to take to the hospital so I can get an epidural so I can go to sleep!". I didn't like his answer,"Your only 7 minutes apart & you always said you don't want to go there and have them not admit you so why don't I turn on the shower for you and see if that helps speed things along." I couldn't believe they were only 7 minutes b/c it felt a lot closer than that but I trusted him and did the shower thing. Again the water doesn't really help with the pain (at least for me) it's more like a distraction. There I was sitting on the yoga ball on a towel (so I wouldn't slip off the ball) in our very small shower stall trying to be all zen about all of it. I would feel my stomach tighten and try desperately to get up off the ball b/c the pressure was just unbearable for me to sit through the contraction. I finally was at 5 minutes apart and for some reason I became calm & Henry was a bit frantic now. We were trying to leave the house & I stopped and made sure I said my good byes to them and had Henry give them a treat before we left. I had to endure two contractions in the Blazer and I would've died if we had any traffic on the way and it slowed us down. Luckily it was 5:30 a.m. on Sunday and there was none. Right when Henry pulled into a spot he said you should be having another contraction & he was right on I flung myself so fast out of the car and he was right there for me to hang onto. What timing. We get up to the room and they are hooking me up to everything and giving me papers to fill out and sign. Now I don't know if every hospital does this or not but at the one we went to you pre register. Now what is the point of doing that if you have to still come in having contractions 5 minutes apart and need to fill out paperwork? We did all that we needed and I was so ready for an epidural. They did all the checking and found out I was a full 4 cm and thought that things would go fairly quickly. I didn't care I just wanted the meds a.s.a.p! Finally I'm getting my epidural b/ween contractions @ 4 min apart holding onto a pillow and trying to round out my back and be relaxed (keep my shoulders down & not up by my ears). That in itself was painful and I was crying big tear drops onto my glasses. Henry saw the size of the needle and came around to the other side of me and couldn't stand to hear my cries of pain as the needle went in and he himself went into the bathroom. He knew there was nothing he could do so he took himself out of the situation. No one told me of the immense amount of pressure that you have on your spine when you are getting that shot! It was highly uncomfortable and with the contractions at the same time?!?! I didn't think I was going to make it but I did and I felt the relief right away. After that they came in & broke my water and I was full 5 cm. Now it was time for a much needed nap, as well as you can nap with all that goes on when you are having a baby. A few hours later I woke up and was hungry but the only thing I could have was an orange Popsicle which I took, but I paid the price b/c just a few minutes later I had horrible heartburn and thought I was going to vomit all over b/c the burning was so bad and I just wanted it to be gone. I swallowed it down and forced myself to move past it but when I was offered more I quickly declined. I ended up having an internal heartbeat monitor for Zale placed on his head and I had to be on my left side and that was getting a little aggravating. Finally it was time to push!

Delivery - I finally felt a need to push and the pain in my left side was unbearable by now & I was desperate to get rid of that pain. So, they had me push twice and I wasn't doing it right. My Dr. helped me to visualize what he needed to do and I think something just clicked b/c she had me push again and I did it perfectly. Everyone was impressed at a first timer doing so well so quickly. Finally he was crowning she announced it and I felt everyone move south of the border to get a glimpse (I was fine with it who cares at this point anyway!). Henry did stay up at my head, my mom held a leg & his mom was holding the other but they all caught a glimpse of the miracle I was trying to preform. Well it didn't take much longer after that & he was in my arms and beautiful!! I pushed for 10-15 minutes and had a small tear that needed to be stitched up but who cares b/c I had the most perfect baby right there in my arms and he was so quiet and dreamy it was amazing. He weighed in @ 8.4 , 21 1/2 inches long and born @ 6:44 p.m.

Postpartum Recovery - I couldn't believe they told me to sit up and swing my legs over the bed and go to the bathroom after having Zale. I just kinda looked at her in shock but figured she knew what she was talking about and tried and I made it to the bathroom (it was a small victory in my book).Well, I had no pain at the site where the epidural was put in (they say you can feel like you got kicked in the back), no headaches also a minor side effect from the meds, and no painful cramping from the uterus contracting back down to size. Everything went smoothly "text book" they said. I was extremely tired and hungry though and wanted to both at the same time. I was only able to get cereal though b/c the cafeteria was closed since it was almost 9 p.m. by the time I got to the room. When we got home 2 days later reality hit us like a ton of bricks. There was no room with nurses in there to take care of him when he woke up in the middle of the night to change him and feed him, no one to bring you pretty much anything you needed. It was just us. I did luck out with the fact the Henry was able to stay home the first week to let em recover and rest but the end of the week came very quickly and I was in a panic. I thought of all the things that could go wrong not to mention the fact that I hadn't even changed a diaper yet terrified me to the core. I was no responsible for this little person on the outside world now and no one was there to help it was just me. I did well though and we made it the first day all by ourselves!

Chase Sawyer

Pregnancy - No "morning sickness" however I did have "anytime of the day, sometimes all day, after everything I ate or drank or not, that smell is gonna make me hurl sickness". That was the entire time although it was worse the first three months and last two months. Heartburn was back but it wasn't anything worse than when I was preggo with Zale. Due date February 20,2007.

Labor - Eight days after the 20th we finally got the call that a room had opened up and to come on in. They were surprised to hear I was late as most women came in that day to be induced b/c they don't want to wait until the due date for what ever reason. They got me set up again had to fill out the paperwork even though once again I had pre registered and we were at the same hospital. They got the pitocin started around 12:30 p. m. and by 2 p.m. I was ready for the epidural, I wasn't prepared for how fast the "pit" would work and kinda felt like a wuss for getting it so soon. I had my water broken before getting the epidural another very uncomfortable experience that I didn't have to feel before. My nurse (she was great!) asked me if it was hurting and I asked her if she wanted me to lie to her now or later as that was a response she gave me when I asked her a question, she laughed and said she'd never had a patient like me before. After getting the epidural which wasn't so bad this time b/c my contractions weren't so close together & I was prepared for the pressure I noticed that I was still feeling pain. It was very strange and getting unbearable she checked and thought it was b/c I was on my "cath" tube however that was not it. They figured out my epidural had only worked on the right side and I still feeling the contractions on my left. I was begging them to do something and finally after what seemed liked forever he came in & gave an extra boost of med into the line. Ahhhhh sweet releif!!! I had some ice chips and soon after was throwing up in a plastic tub from the water, thank God for Henry b/c it didn't phase him one bit he just grabbed it and tried to make me feel better. Luckily I only did it the once and I was over the ice chips from that point on. Our nurse was so funny and she came in towards the end of my episode and said,"Oh didn't I tell you I don't do throw up now so we need to stop that as soon as you can." We all laughed and I did my best to assure her I was done b/c I didn't do throw up either! Except now my right side was dead to the world and sadly if someone would have some in and offered me a million dollars to move it I would not have been able to. Around 5 p.m. they asked if I felt the need to push and I didn't feel anything at all so they turned off the epidural (which terrified me and made sure I would not feel the cath being removed or any stitches that needed to be put in) they reassured me it would all be good b/c I had plenty of meds going through me. Around 5:45 p.m. they came in (and when I say "they" I mean almost every nurse on the floor who wasn't busy b/c I was in one of the new beds and a lot of them had not used it yet & needed to learn how plus a doc in training). That was very comical and it was a good thing I was drugged b/c if not I would have been freaking out. They were all looking around adjusting this bed and telling me to move up sit back and trying to figure out how the stirrups do in,one leg was up & the other was being held onto by Henry until they finally got it in place, we were all laughing which you don't hear too often moments before a delivery.

Delivery - The bed was set and ready for me to try my first push it was not good and I knew it b/c I couldn't feel the "need" to push just yet, they called the doc anyway and she came in around 6 and asked me to push. This was a new Dr. and didn't know how well I could push even though I told her I could push very well. As soon as I bared down and pushed she told me to stop b/c there was nothing ready and she said,"I thought you said she wasn't pushing well!". They got all the things needed to deliver a baby and I started pushing I had Chase out in 10 minutes and he was placed on my tummy which I wasn't prepared for but I did help to clean him off before being taken over to be weighed & measured. Again I had a small tear it was the same place as with Zale but they were right they meds were still doing the job it was meant to do and I didn't feel too much (tugging but that's it). At 6:14 p.m. Chase was born and weighed in at 8.5 and 21 inches long he was so adorable and had chunky cheeks and was just "talking" away.

Postpartum Recovery - I had everything text book for the negative this time which I was unprepared for and was shocked to have since I didn't have anything the first go around. My doc asked me if I wanted a prescription for Percoset before she left for the pain and I said no I was good but man oh man was that a huge mistake! I had taken the strongest dose they give of the standard pain pills but by the time 2 a.m. came I was in so much pain. I woke up and needed to go to the bathroom and got out of bed by myself and did all that you have to do but when it came to getting back in bed I couldn't do it I just started crying while I called out for Henry to help me get in. H helped and called the nurse to come in and she checked me and I told her all the pains I had: severe cramping (which is almost as bad as having a contraction with your second-for me), my back was killing me (from the epidural) and I did have a slight headache. She gave me the max on everything she could and called my Dr. for the script for the Perc Just a few short hours later I was in need of the Perc and was able to get it and boy that stuff knocked me on my butt and I went back to sleep for a few more hours which I so desperately needed. It took about a month for my back to be back to normal again, but I didn't have any more headaches after the first day of having Chase and the cramping was down to a dull pain by the time we got home.

Dean Riley

Pregnancy - Well, other than being sudden it was fine. Had some nauseousness her and there through the whole pregnancy, heartburn (as always) and I was extremely tired. They found out very quickly that my iron level was low and I needed iron pills which then made me constipated so then I needed to take something to help with that but at least I wasn't as tired as before. Started with the Braxton Hicks at 5 months until the end off and on.

Labor - My whole last month I dilated 1 cm. every week. So, that means when I went into active labor I was already what they want you to be when admitted into the hospital! About 4 a.m. I got up b/c I felt the need to go to the and had some pain but thought nothing of it b/c of having the B.H. the whole time. However, about 4:30 I had been woken up wide awake by a powerful contraction. I told Henry it was time and he wasn't entirely convinced so he timed them and was calling his mom at the same time as she was to come and watch Zale & Chase and the dogs while we were having Dean. When she got here she told Henry to hustle b/c he was doing something not that important and she was very afraid that we would not make it in time. She didn't tell us that part until after though! She also knew that I would not be getting my epidural but again didn't tell me that. Smart lady!! :o) I had to again endure two to three contractions in the truck this time b/c they were so close together and I kept complaining in between about how thirsty I was and how I just wanted a drink of water. We got to the hospital in time (again thanks the Lord it was early a.m. on a Thr) and Henry dropped me off at the E.R. entrance while he parked. I had to go to the bathroom as soon as I walked in the door (again my body was doing what it was supposed to just would've been nice if it had started that sooner!) and by the time I came out Henry was there. We made it to the end of the very long hallway to the elevators that would take us to labor & delivery but once again I had to go to the bathroom. On my way in a elderly woman who volunteers there asked if I needed any help and I said no just here having a baby but thanks and proceeded to make my way in the bathroom. I was so very thirsty but had the where with all to not swallow the water and spit it back out but it felt good to have my mouth wet again, As soon as we walked into our room I headed for the toilet b/c I thought I was gonna puke (from the water downstairs) but didn't just a dry heave. When I got in the bed and they checked I was dilated to 7cm and it was about 6 a.m. and we were shocked!! Again we had to fill out the paperwork even though we had just been there 13 months earlier with Chase. They were poking and prodding at my arm trying to find a vein and couldn't (which later found out I was dehydrated and that's why they couldn't find one quickly and why I was so thirsty). So b/ween them pricking me with a needle and the very strong and agonizing contractions I was in a severe amount of pain and I was begging for an epidural. You have to have the stupid papper work filled out & an I.V. in before they get you an epidural even in the works for you. Henry at one point realized that an epidural just wasn't going to happen before we had this baby and focused on helping me with the pain. He was doing his best filling out the paperwork in spurts and then trying to hold my hand b/c I did have it up but them when he would grab it I would shake him off and tell him no. I was not screaming but was high pitched and crying for someone to take care of the pain and I wanted to push so badly. My nurse (God bless her) had to say my full name to get my to look at her while she told me not to push b/c I wasn't ready to and if I did I would tear myself up, however if I wanted to apply a little pressure that would be fine. O.K. great how the heck I'm a supposed to apply a "little" pressure? I had always been a full, go all the way pusher before and had no clue what this meant. I apologized repeatedly to the staff at how loud I was and I was really trying to be a good patient. They were so great though and said I was doing a fine job and I wasn't doing anything they hadn't heard before. I was in desperate need for my Dr. to get there b/c she was the only one who could break my water the nurses told us that on-call doc's and nurses aren't allowed to do that kind of procedure but I could try and break it myself w/ the light pressure I was allowed to apply when having a contraction. I finally figured out that a high pitch sound wasn't working and did make me paninc a little more and the sound that I ended up making was a low pitched moan. I don't know what it was but it actually felt like the vibrations from that sound was emanating all the way down to help the contraction not hurt as badly. It was hard to keep that low pitch registered in my brain though, Henry did a great job reminding me to drop an octave each time and it helped. Finally my Dr. got there poor thing had wet hair still and no make up and she said she drove as fast as she could to get there in time and boy she almost missed it herself. I was in so much pain I don't know how women have been doing this for centuries with no meds and then to not want it when it's available just to have the experience? At this point I was desperate for any kind of medicine they could give me & they finally after I don't know how many tries got an I.V. bag started. As soon as the doc sat down I broke my water it was like a rush of water pouring out and I felt horrible it was more than likely all over her feet! My mom walked in just in time and told her what had happened so far and it was time to push.

Delivery - Since I was able to break my own bag of water I did get about 5 minutes of rest before the pain really started coming back on and it was time to push. They checked me again one more time at 6:45 a.m. and I was a full 10 cm and it was time to push. Oh my gosh!!! The pain was unbelievable, I mean the kind of pain that would even be hard for me to wish on the person I hated the most. Everyone just told me to keep pushing and that I was doing a good job. Henry was supporting my neck and head while my mom was once again holding a leg. Dean was crowning when the pain "down there" really hit me. It was a searing, fiery, like a hot poker splitting me in two kind of a feeling, but his head was out. I was crying in pain and wanted so desperately to be done already, Henry was just telling me that I was doing a fantastic job & my mom was crying right along with me, my Dr. was great and the nurses to all saying they understood it hurt but I needed to get that baby out. The pain oh the pain I just wanted it all to be gone and I'm pretty sure I was still asking for some kind of medication. They said as soon as I had the baby out they would give me something and the pain would pretty much be gone once I had the baby. So, I bared down again and pushed as hard as I could. It didn't feel like he moved much and he was just kinda in limbo and I had to take a break b/c I was just so tired and convinced that I couldn't do it anymore. I even said the classic movie delivery scene line,"I can't do it! I can't do it anymore! I just can't do it!!" Again everyone reassured me that I could and I was doing such a great job for things going so fast and one more big push would get him out. So, I once again bared down and pushed like I felt like I have pushed before. The pain just ripped right through me but also a big rush of relief. He was out and it was such a rush of emotions I was crying and smiling all at once and still in a fair amount of pain. Henry even had tears in his eyes at the moment b/c it was such an emotional hour and a whirlwind of a delivery not one that either of us were used to from the previous two boys. Now it was time to "deliver" the placenta I could feel the Dr. pulling on the cord and asked what was going on when she told me I asked if I could help her out by pushing and she said of course. So, once again and for the last time I waited for a contraction and gave a push and out it came again a feeling of relief was finally upon me (for now). Next thing to be done was stitching up my tear the same tear from the other two boys. Which was nice that it wasn't a new tear plus the old one, but also painful as it was one of the many pains I felt (the other excruciating pain I felt which was also the first one was the Dr. pushing my cervix up over his head when I pushed). So now it was time for a shot to numb up the area so I wouldn't feel the stitching being done. However I didn't know it was a shot I thought maybe some kind of numbing cream/gel/lotion of some sort but no such luck. That was extremely uncomfortable and it burned like crazy and all through this and the end of getting Dean out I just kept saying, "It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it really really hurts!!" My Dr. once again was so sweet and she said, "I know it does but you did such a great job and your almost done just hang in there a little longer and I'll be done down here and you can get moved to the post partum room and enjoy that sweet baby of yours." It was very reassuring and I let her precede w/out too much more crying from me I tried to focus my attention on Dean and listened to that sweet little newborn cry. Finally I got some medicine they said it would take the edge off and while I was kinda over it by now I didn't object. I was so happy to hear that I was getting some drugs pushed through my veins I'm pretty sure I cried and even asked how will I know it works and how long will it take. It was pretty quick and they said I would feel like I was tipsy like after a few drinks,"Oh yeah it's working I'm feeling tipsy and sleepy and very much nicer."(Hey I know it's not proper English but that's just how much pain I was in and how badly I was in need of something, anything at this point!) Then I took a little snooze. However Dean was here and healthy he weighed in at 9.2 and 21 inches long and born at 6:56 a.m. and he was....rough looking (I mean we had both been through a pretty rough ordeal), but after I had him in my arms he got so quiet it was amazing and my last time doing this.

Postpartum Recovery - Well, I felt pretty good after they had everything cleaned up and I got up to get the wheel chair to go to the room. It was a totally different feeling, I don't know if the medicine was still in my system but I didn't feel like I did after the other two. I was hungry and ready to eat some breakfast which my dad went out and got for us nothing like McDonalds after having a baby, it tasted fantastic! I made sure this time that the Dr. left me a perscription for Percoset for my pain that I knew was coming soon. I had learned my lesson on that one! I wanted to enjoy this experience b/c this would be the last time and I didn't wanted remember being in pain the whole time. Henry could even tell a difference in my recovery this time. So, there's a difference b/ween having a epidural and not. It was like endure the pain now (no epidural) and have a pretty quick and painless (kinda) recovery, or have no pain now (w/ the epidural) and have some complications in recovery like I had the second time. It's all a game of risk or chance you may have complications or not it just depends. My theory on the matter was,"It's available and it will make the experience more comfortable and I'm all for that!"

So there you have it all my different pregancies, labor & delivery stories. I have experienced just about every way excpet a c-section and I'm never going to have that one to tell as I am finished having children. I enjoyed being pregnant and had no real big compliants. I thank the Lord for all my boys and the easy time I had with all of them. I know that there are many who can't get pregnant who who can but for whatever reason have a hard time carrying them, some lose the baby all together or have to be put on bedrest. There are just so many different stories about pregnancies, labor & deliveries but one thing is always the same: You get a wonderful gift at the end of your journey. It doesn't matter how you got there and how hard or easy the trip was but it's the end result and that is what you must always remember.

Oh My Gosh!

Chase proved to be a difficult baby from the very beginning. From the very beginning I mean from the time I found out I was pregnant, I was moody and sick to my stomach at any given time of day, smells bothered me, and moody (yeah I know I already said I was just that moody!). He was bound and determined to stay just where he was. Eight days after the due date we had to induce b/c they were afraid of him being too big for me to deliver on my own. (I'll blog later about my labor & delivery with the boys a little later).
I felt so bad b/c I could tell he was working so hard to go to the bathroom & he would just seem uncomfortable & gassy. He was also moody (not surprised though). We finally decided to looking into the formula bottle factor. It took us almost three months to get the right combination but we finally go it right. We had to get a gentle ease formula, with Kyro syrup added to it, with the Soothie bottle brand. When I took him into one of his check ups & I just remember telling the Dr. that I remember how to take care of a baby but not a different person. It was such a shock but we are different from the day we are born and no on ever told me that! You don't think of a newborn as a little person with a personality but there he was as different from Zale as night and day. Chase was not a thumb sucker nor was he a paci baby and that made night time rough. He couldn't self soothe & b/c of that he didn't truly sleep through the night until almost 1 years old!
February 28 Chase was born and by July we had finally got everything figured out or so we thought. Henry had planned a camping trip for a weekend with a friend and I was going to be lefrt alone for the first time for a whole weekend with both the boys. I had noticed earlier that week that I was hungry out of no where and would need to eat something quickly but I was trying to lose the baby weight plus extra and didn't think too hard about it. However after my last bite of lunch right after Henry left I was sick to my stomach an all to familiar feeling. I wanted to tell him but he had already left and I didn't want to call him about it. So I kinda just let it go & the up set tummy went away too fairly quickly, so I thought that I was just getting all overly excited for no reason. The afternoon turned into dinner time and again as soon as I took the last bite I was immediatley sick, and I just got up put the dishes away gathered up the boys and went to the store to by a test. I wanted to just prove to myself that there was nothing to it that I was just sick of eating salads and that was all. I got home & put Chase on the bed & Zale sat next to him and there I was in the bathroom taking another test. I could not beleive I was doing this, we didn't plan on another baby we were done with two not too mention that even if we weren't having them this close was never what we wanted. Again immediatley after setting the test on the counter there it was.....a plus sign it was faint but it was there. I took the other one and that stinkin plus sign was there again faint but there. There I was looking at the tests and saying with a hand over my mouth in astonishment,"Oh.....my......gosh." over and over again I wasn't paying much attention & before I knew it Zale was standing there in front of me copying me and saying exactly the same thing while Chase was just lying there playing with his hands. I was pregnant again Zale was 2 and Chase was 4 and half months old and Henry was going to freak out! Now you would think I would pick up the phone and cal lHenry but he was camping & the phone is turned off when he's there unless he needs to make a call. So, I called a friend and she immediatley wanted to know if Chase was o.k. (it was around 10p.m. when I called) if I needed any help. I just told her no but next year I'm gonna have another little baby giving me problems. She was so quiet and she just said that she had no idea what to say. I saw her the next day & bought another box of tests on the way over & all of them said positive, I even showed them to her thinking that maybe I was reading them wrong. I'm not even kidding you the night before I was so shocked I was trying to figure out which way was horizontal and which was was vertical b/c I just knew they were worng. She confirmed it though they were positive.
Well, you could imagine I had a big surpirse to tell Henry and I could tell him in so many different ways. I bought a new baby blanket and shoved all the test (8 yes I said 8) in with the blanket and then video tped him opening it up. Oh man it was the best and I love watching it over & over it never gets tiring to watch him.
So, there we were having yet another baby. On first diagnosis the due date was just one week after Chase's 1st birthday. After our sonogram and finding out it was another boy he was measuring smaller than they thought so they pushed the date back to the end of March. One thing about due dates though it's just a guess in the long run. So we got pregnant with this baby just three short months after having Chase. We might have had a problem getting pregnant years before but appearently I had turned into fertile Mertyl.

Father's Day Surprise 2006

I have just one story from being pregnant with Zale that always make me laugh (and cry) when I tell it. So, I'm gonna share it to you now mind you it is funnier if I tell it to you in person but here goes: So, the frist three months I found out very quickly that when you get hungry you must eat soemthing that second. The baby has no patience & wants to be fed right that second it does not matter with what just as long as you throw something down there. We decided that Henry would call an order in to Applebee's and I would pick it up since it was on the way home & I was craving a really good cheeseburger. I picked up our meals & came home and just threw his food at him while I started devouring my scrumptious burger. I think he just kinda watched me for a second or two and then out of nowhere (at least to me), "So are you going to stay on the Suzanne Sommers diet or what are you planning on doing?" You guys I looked up at him while I finished the bite in my mouth and composed myself for a second. We looked at each other for a second and then I said as I immediatley started crying at the same time,"I don't know what I'm gonna do Henry. I'm just so HUNGRY and I just want to eat this cheeseburger and then worry about it later(still sobbing). I'm just hungry ALL THE TIME and when it hits me I'm starving like so starving I could throw up if I don't eat something that second! I just wanted a cheeseburger a really good cheeseburger (yep, still sobbing) right now & I'm gonna eat the fries to b/c it's been soooo long since I've had fries and you know how much I love fries and you know I must be hungry to eat fries that have been in a styrofoam box for however long and the fries aren't as good (crying is now coming to an end). So, right now I'm not worrying about stupid Suazanne Sommers and her stupid "low carb" diet I just want to eat." He just looked at me with his mouth open and said he was sorry and will never ask about it again. Smart man.It seems like Zale's first year went by so quickly. I remember everyone saying it would & that we needed to cherish every moment. I think I did a pretty good job. I remember things that Henry does not I filled out his baby book with all his "firsts" and all his little teeth that came in I wrote it all down (and still do!). Man though everyone was right it really did go by so quickly before we knew it we were singing the Happy Birthday song & I was crying (no shocker there!) watching my big one year eat his cake. He was such an easy laid back kinda baby, he was in no rush to crawl or walk he loved just chilling on the couch with us. He finally started crawling at 7 months and walking at 13(first few steps)/14(started walking well) months. He was eating with utensils al by himself at 10 months and had a great appetite and was very good at his fine motor skills and figuring things out.
After his first birthday we had decided that we would start trying for a sibling for Zale b/ we weren't sure how long it would take for us to get pregnant again. So, we started trying the next month. I took one of those preganacy tests that are supposed to be able to tell you up to seven days before and it was only 3 and it was a negative. I was a little dissapointed but figured it was worth a try anyway, I didn't have to go & buy it as it was a leftover test. I didn't bother telliong Henry that I had taken one b/c he would have just rolled his eyes at me & said something smart. Friday we went out on a date & we ate b-b-q & then made our way to the movies. I remember being in our seats to see X-Men (second one) and I was so sick to my stomach I thought I was gonna toss my cookies at any moment. I held on & eventually it went away & I was able to enjoy the movie. Saturday came & I had heartburn after eating lunch & I hadn't had it since being pregnant with Zale. Father's Day we went to Bennigan's (I miss that place!) and again after lunch I had horrible heartburn & I was a little sick to my stomach. On our way home I told Henry I thought that I might be pregnant b/c I was 2 days late & the symptoms. He thought I was crazy to think we were pregnant so soon but gave in & we went to the store to get another box of tests.
Once we got home we put Zale down for his nap & in I went to take the test. I didn't need to wait the 3 minutes b/c that sign popped right up letting me know yet again I was pregnant. I walked in & told Henry he would get his other Father's Day present next year & he could not believe it either! We were very excited & shocked all at the same time, we had no idea that we would get pregnant so quickly. All of a sudden we had another little baby to prepare for!